For I am fearfully and wonderfully made... Psalm 139!

Lately, I've been really been pushing the truth of the gospel with my kids. It amazes me the questions they have and how receptive they are to it. So I figured why not? They enjoy it and decided that I'd just integrate it with writing. It's such a privilege to be in a school where I can so openly talk about Christ and the things He's done and does for us. If you received my letter, you'd know half my class is Catholic and half is Christian - but that doesn't mean they're all Christ followers. So lately we've been discussing the idea of God creating a bigger story in our lives especially in the midst of trial and problems and learning how to be thankful for all things God purposely and intentionally allows to be in our lives; even the problems that seem so hard and almost hopeless. I asked my students if they'd be willing to share some of their problems. I was amazed at how many students raised their hands with excitement! This was definitely something that wouldn't have happened at the beginning of the school year. Pressing on, I was suddenly moved to read Psalm 139, Holy Spirit I think. Ironically, he's been using it to help me realize, rerealize just how intentional He is in my life. It also makes me understand that God is with me in the pain, not the reverse. And though he doesn't create it he is in it, right there with me. Even if I don't understand it all the time. Trials don't define us, rather they shape us into who God wants us to be even if it's EXTREMELY hard. And redemption is waiting at the end of this life. "For even darkness is not as dark to you. To you the night shines like the day!" Reading on... 

O LORD, you have examined my heart  

and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.    

You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel      

and when I rest at home.      

You know everything I do. 

You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. 

You go before me and follow me.You place your hand of blessing on my head. 

 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!     

I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;

if I go down to the grave, you are there. 

If I ride the wings of the morning,

if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

even there your hand will guide me,

and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me

and the light around me to become night—

but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!      

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 

You saw me before I was born.      

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.   

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

 They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; 

 they outnumber the grains of sand! 

 And when I wake up, you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!

Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you;

your enemies misuse your name. 

O LORD, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?  

Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?

Yes, I hate them with total hatred,      

for your enemies are my enemies.

 Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Yes. I read this whole thing to my class - plus or minus a bilingual translation. I was amazed at the responses I got. Listen class, as I read: "You saw me before I was born. Every [single] day of my life was recorded in your book of LIFE! Every [single] moment has been laid out before it has even come to pass! I told them to think of all the beaches they know of in Mexico: Cancun, Vallarta, Manzanillo; now think of how many grains of sand there are. Think how small they are." Students marveled as I read this, how can God be so personal? How can God know everything about me and still love me? Don't I have to be or do certain things for him to love me and want me? The answer... no. To be honest, I've been struggling with the same thing. 
But God knows it even before it leaves my lips. He has a plan for me even before I know it myself. He knew I would be in Mexico this year. He knew I would have this class, way more far in advance than I did, and he knows when and if I'm going to grad school. He knows who and when I am going to marry. He knows me... he has made me so wonderfully complex! It's been so incredible to be part of this smaller miracle he is doing in my heart, at Lincoln, in my kids' hearts, and in Mexico. I still hate myself at times for being so critical of my inmost being and sometimes wonder if God made a mistake when he made me this way; but God made it, how can it be bad? God is a perfect God and makes no mistakes and he made me with a purpose! I marvel at that. I marvel at the many and different ways He reveals himself to me and the world. I hope I never take this for granted, though I probably will. But that's okay. Because the next time, it will hit home even harder and I will fall even deeper into the character of God and who He is - the One who created me and loves me for who I am, not what I do! 

May God be with you today; may you be reminded that your life has a purpose. And that there is a God who loves you for every piece he created!