I used to think I had to have it all figured
out, but the more I think about it and the more I anticipate something
to happen the complete opposite usually does and I tend to freak out a
little. Okay, well A LOT. But lately God has been showing me just how
HUGE he is in all of it. I look at my life and the people whose lives
I've been able to be a part of, the places I've been so blessed to live
in and see, and the experiences my heart has so harshly received and yet
I can look back at it all and say thank you and see how it all makes my
life more beautiful and profound. If God hadn't ordained my life to be
the way it's been then well sadly... I wouldn't know certain people or
even begin to fathom how IN CONTROL He is. It boggles my mind and makes
me realize I really don't have an option next year. God's got it covered
and all I have to do is hang on to my seat belt and "enjoy" the ride.
Which, to be frank, isn't always easy for my heart to take. Yet lately
God's given me such a peace about it. I've been in Mexico for about five
months now, something I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be
doing at this point in my life. I "plan" on pursuing a masters in ESL -
well, to be honest, because I love my Mexican and international kids so
MUCH!!! Their spanglish sentences are addicting ;) I've thought about
leaving next year, but something in me keeps saying "hold on." So I am. I
still don't know what next year looks like, nor do I want to.
Every
day I begin to see how much God wants his best for me, and if his best
is HIS BEST then I shouldn't fight him or force myself to obey him. Like
one of my favorite songs says, "Its gotta be more like falling in love
than something to believe in. More like losing my heart than giving my
allegiance." So I do my best to treat each day like it's something
special. I try not to worry as much about my future because it's going
to happen. Might as well not freak out. Instead, I marvel at my kids as
they grow - spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I pray for my
friends and family back home. And I find myself enjoying teaching more
as I get into the year more. Teaching primary is not about the
academics. It's about the hidden curriculum: to touch a child's heart
and life in the present to impact their future! And the more and more I
do it, the easier it becomes. I love my students. And I love the fact
that they shy away from calling my "teacher" and now say "Miss Wilhelm"
and generally spell it right ;)
Going with the theme of
time, while I was home over break, God really convicted me of treating
my life like it's not His. When in fact it is. I used to (and still do
at times) blame him for making me so emotional. I'll admit it. I have a
hard heart: easy to love things, but so hard to trust and break through
my walls. I still have moments but find myself looking at it more as a
blessing rather than a curse. To look at it as something that would draw
me closer to him and to the people around me and to really use my time
for what it's worth. To not be angry about my heart, but to ignore it
and love anyway even if it doesn't feel or seem like it at the moment.
Another Jason Gray song that really struck a cord with me, and still
does, is called "Good to Be Alive." It goes:
"I won't take it for granted
I won't waste another second
All I want is to give you
A life well lived to say, "Thank you"
I wanna live like there's no tomorrow
Love like I'm on borrowed time..."
I
heard this song and decided to make it my new year's resolution. Not
that circumstances will be good, there's always a good mix of good, bad,
and ugly, in every year - but that I would take each moment and live it
for the Lord wholly and truly to the best of my ability. May God bless
you and keep you this year my friends. Be filled with hope, be filled
with peace, and love, and joy....
"For I know the
plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not
for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you
pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find
me. I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity
and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I
sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” ~Jeremiah
29:11-14
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